You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
