She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
