Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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