You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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