drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
