I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
