his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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