hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
