im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
