I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
