my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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