actually, I'm a sock model
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
They took my balls.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize