They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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