The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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