dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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