I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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