I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
