3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
