at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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