I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize