Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
