just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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