if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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