i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
