I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
