If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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