so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
