Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
