3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize