Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
