They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
