Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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