When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
