lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
