opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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