I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
