Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
How's work?
Spinning.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
