They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
