Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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