The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
