Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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