No stitches, just platelets and will power
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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