tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
