She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
