I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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