She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
