he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
