Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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