Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
