Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
