I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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