were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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