where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
