just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
