When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
