i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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