hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
