what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
