Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
