So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
