I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize