Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize