sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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