She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
