I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
