6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
