Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
