dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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