I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
