Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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