watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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