all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
