Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
