Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
