I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Pants are for mortals
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
