sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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