On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
