It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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