Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize