hotel room ftw
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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