Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
