I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
