She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
