Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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