This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize