Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
