Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
