To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
