come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
no you cant smoke seaweed
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
