I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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