Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
operation harelip BJ is a go
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
