...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
