Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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