We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
