Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize