I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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