is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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