Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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