I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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