i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just high enough for therapy.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have post one night stand depression
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
