you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Even my vagina gasped.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
