so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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