as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We need a shit load of segways right now
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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