I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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