My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
