Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
