I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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