He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
