Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
