Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
