Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
pop tarts are not kleenex
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
