dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Too much gin, very little bucket
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
