I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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