In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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