Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
