So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Four minutes until I can fart!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
