He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
