Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
