HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
