I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I love you. Go after that dick
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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